Wednesday, February 8, 2012

A question of my soul...


I just finished watching Emma Smith: My Story today after not seeing it in a few months. I'm kind of sad I waited so long to see it again. Because I was reminded just how much this film touches my heart.

I have to admit that in past years I was never certain how I felt about our church's Elect Lady. I admired her for her strength and for being the prophet's wife. However, I always wondered how she could not follow his successor, Brigham Young, and create a new life for herself. Did she lose faith? Was it pride that kept her there? These were questions that have crossed my mind when I think of her. I have to admit, that a part of me did feel less about her. Especially when I compared her to Mary Fielding Smith. While Mary was strong, so was Emma.

As a child her father prohibited prayer in the house so she would go to the barn and pray. Eventually her father caught her praying for him. It softened his heart and they became faithful again. I couldn't help but imagine the feeling I have whenever someone prays for me. The feeling is so tender and warming. I look up to Heaven and offer a prayer of thanks to my Father in Heaven for blessing me with the people I have in my life. For he has given me much.

Throughout the film I see time and time again Emma standing with Joseph comforting him, supporting him, laughing with him, counseling him and loving him. I could see what a rock she was in his life. She was his Northern Star which shone brightly and constant. I only hope that I may one day be that for my husband, whomever he may be. That I may be his shoulder to lean on, to be able to give him wise counsel and guide him through the storms.

At one point she in confronted by her father for believing Joseph and in the Book of Mormon. She simply said "Sometimes you know things with your heart. That you don't know with your head."  How many of us have desired a further proof that the gospel and teachings of the Church are true. I have been guilty of this a few times as I have many friends and family that do not believe in this faith. I have often thought to myself "If only I had the evidence to show them that it IS the true church, that we have the full and ever-lasting gospel with all the choice blessings that come with it." Emma was a shining example of the truthfulness of the gospel just as she was an example to our restoring prophet. 

Her trials also made her. Several miscarriages, complete estrangement from her family, constantly dealing with attacks on her and her people and eventually the lose of her Joseph. Many records say of her that she was strong and steady. I believe she never lost her faith in the gospel or Joseph. Even after the Saints followed Brigham to the west and she lived out her life in Nauvoo. When I think of her trials and how she bore them it makes me look at my own and how I handle them. I feel the desire to bear them better and to nourish and sustain my faith. After all, we "can't plant potatoes and get pumpkins." Sometimes it is so hard to remember that God does love us and desire our well being and our happiness but in order to really feel those things we have to suffer sorrow and loss. Otherwise, our blessings in life will not mean anything to us. It's the little things that makes our lives beautiful. The melody of a songbird, the warmth and brightness of the sun. A loving word and a caring touch. They don't require much but the rewards are endless.

That's one other thing I noticed about Emma. The loving service she gave to others. Upon organizing what is now called the 'Relief Society' she told them that they would do extraordinary things and that they should always be eager to do good. Once again this forced me to look at myself. I do Visiting Teaching, I cook and clean for my family, I do the occasional service project. But there's so much more I could do with my time. I plan to make good on that and serve as much and as many as I can. :)

The part of the film that made me tear up was the night before Joseph went to Carthage for what would become his Martyrdom and Emma asked Joseph for a blessing to which he suggested with tears streaming down his face that she write the blessing and he would sign it and she would get everything she desired. He spoke of how he looked forward to reading her blessing. Emma mentioned that strength isn't something you have. It is something God helps you to find. Her blessing said the following:

“First of all that I would crave as the richest of heaven’s blessings would be wisdom from my Heavenly Father bestowed daily, so that whatever I might do or say, I could not look back at the close of the day with regret, nor neglect the performance of any act that would bring a blessing. I desire the Spirit of God to know and understand myself, that I desire a fruitful, active mind, that I may be able to comprehend the designs of God, when revealed through his servants without doubting. I desire a spirit of discernment, which is one of the promised blessings of the Holy Ghost.

“I particularly desire wisdom to bring up all the children that are, or may be committed to my charge, in such a manner that they will be useful ornaments in the Kingdom of God, and in a coming day arise up and call me blessed.
“I desire prudence that I may not through ambition abuse my body and cause it to become prematurely old and care-worn, but that I may wear a cheerful countenance, live to perform all the work that I covenanted to perform in the spirit-world and be a blessing to all who may in any wise need aught at my hands.

“I desire with all my heart to honor and respect my husband as my head, ever to live in his confidence and by acting in unison with him retain the place which God has given me by his side, and I ask my Heavenly Father that through humility, I may be enabled to overcome that curse which was pronounced upon the daughters of Eve. I desire to see that I may rejoice with them in the blessings which God has in store for all who are willing to be obedient to his requirements. Finally, I desire that whatever may be my lot through life I may be enabled to acknowledge the hand of God in all things.”

As we know, Joseph never returned to sign it, but I cannot help but wonder if he read and signed it in Heaven. There is no doubt in my mind that the blessing was fulfilled completely. The final window of the movie mentioned that when she died her last words was "Joseph....Joseph....I'm coming.." I can only imagine what joy and peace she felt as she stepped through the veil that separates our human lives to our spirit ones. Or Joseph's pleasure and excitement as he met her there. The imagined sight brought a smile to my face.

As I watched this film and really looked at her story and I kept thinking, "I want to be like Emma." Her faith and devotion to the gospel, the church and her family just made her so wonderful in my eyes. I believe she was indeed a true elect lady of the Lord. This has given me so much desire to better myself so that I may be a better daughter of my Heavenly Father and better the lives of those around me and touch those who touch me and inspire me every day. I want to be like Emma.

I hope to eventually get this film for myself so I can watch it whenever I need insight and inspiration. For those of you that don't have it, I fully recommend this video. Especially to those whom are not a part of our faith. Emma's story is a wonderful one filled with loyalty, love and faith.




ke7ejx.

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