"Christianity without discipleship is always Christianity without Christ."
~Dietrich Bonhoeffer
A year ago, on 13 May 2018, I stood in the living room of Episcopal Campus Ministry House with my graduation cap and gown in hand when the front door closed behind me and everyone was gone. After 48 hours of whirlwind activity that is a graduation, my life as an undergraduate student was over and I was standing in a new place with my room covered in boxes, living with college students whom I was only acquainted. And all I could do was look around and think, "now what?"
4 years, 8 semesters, and 2 degrees later met me with theology, ministry theory, biblical exegetical practice, and the finer points of historical analysis. Yet, I felt completely unprepared when it came time to put such skills into practice. I could tell you what kind of insurance a church should have, how the financial matters should be done, gauging one's congregation when they react to your sermon, and responsible spiritual stewarding. However, being a pastoral and secular presence to college students when I'm a newly graduate college student myself? That was a whole different ball game.
When I was preparing for graduating and taking on this position I swore to myself that I would be Belgium before the German Army invaded when it came to house disputes. I quickly realized this was a pipe dream when 20 minutes after I moved in one of my new housemates told me how another resident was an absolute jerk and not to be trusted. I laugh as I write this but that was my "welcome to college ministry, ain't it grand?" moment.
A few months ago, I was advised to write this post because it could prove useful for Pastoral Ministry students and I have to make a confession now: even as I write this I'm still having the reaction of "S@#$, what do I tell them?!" But, I also realize that by sharing the good, the bad, and the ugly of ministry, future students can learn that while they can fantasize ministry in the classroom it can be both beautiful and awful. What you, my students, can gain is how the calling of ministry can and will change your life.
When I took classes on Pastoral Leadership, Preaching, and other Pastoral Ministry classes at Northwest Christian University; it was done with a couple of assumptions- that the students would embark in full-time Pastoral positions and that when dealing with difficult people, the pastor can retreat to the safety of home and regroup before coming back to the job with fresh eyes and a refreshed mind. If any of you students are blessed with both, then it is absolutely true! However, this was not the case for me. One of the first things I learned when I entered the ministry field is that full-time ministry positions are quickly becoming fewer and far between. The days of full-time pastors and parsonages are becoming relics of that past across the denomination spectrum. In my first year, I have only come across one pastor who is in such a position and the future of that situation is uncertain. Most pastors I know, with the exception of my rector who is full-time, are part-time and many of them have a second or even third "tentmaking" (Acts 18:3-4) occupations in order to provide for their families.
As for the latter assumption, most of you probably won't know otherwise and those of you who ever find yourself in my shoes where your place of ministry is also your residence, listen up. You will deal with difficult people. If you live with them, you'll deal with them often. I know this because I've been there this year. In earlier years, if you didn't like someone you could just stay away from them or avoid their company. I'll tell you right now, those days are over. You won't be able to avoid them, what's more, you're no longer free to lash out at them. The difficult ones, as well as the ones you like, are in your spiritual care and you must act accordingly. Even though you're at home, you are on the clock just as you would in the church. Our Savior said, “You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.’ But I say to you, Do not resist an evildoer. But if anyone strikes you on the right cheek, turn the other also (Matthew 5:38-40 NRSV)". Alas, this is one that my boss has to work with me on a regular basis. It's one I struggle with the most. You will have to find refuge as you can whether it's watching a movie in your room with the door closed or going out for a meal or ice cream where you can decompress and pray.
That being said, there are aspects of college ministry that is such a pleasure. One pleasure I take is ECM's Thursday Dinner and Worship Night every week during the academic year. I am in charge of the meal which is something I enjoy immensely. I get to try different recipes and cuisines and make notes so I can provide a variety of meals that are pleasing to the palates of the students. Last Thursday, I tried my hand at Breakfast for Dinner and it was a success. Now I know to add it to next year's menu. Dinner is also a time to get to know my residents better and ask how their lives are
going. It makes me feel closer to them and lets me know what to pray for where they're concerned. Many stories and laughs have been shared over ECM's supper table that I will cherish all my life. My other duty which is distinctive to the Episcopal denomination of the ministry is that I'm ECM's one woman Altar Guild band. I prepare ECM's mobile altar which includes pressing the linen, decorating the altar according to the liturgical season, preparing the wafer and wine for consecration, and taking it all down after the service. I also get to polish all the brass and silver during the academic breaks, whittle the candles, and clean the altar. Glamorous, right? But I find it a lot of fun. I also enjoy getting to know the students who come through our side ministry that is the Student Food Pantry. I get to hear their stories, ask them how their terms are treating them, and show them Christ's message through action rather than mere words. All while checking their ID cards and entering the data. Am I crazy? Probably, but I find the simplicity great and for an Introvert, it works out nicely.
Another benefit is that as the resident Assistant Chaplain, I get to be a regular presence for our resident students. One thing I try to convey to all of them is that I am always there if they need something. Sometimes, all they need is someone to get the master key to let them into their rooms after they locked themselves out. Other times, I get to be mother, psychologist, ring referee, judge, and spiritual guide all in one 4'7" package. I've had a knock on my door at two o'clock in the morning because they need someone to talk to and pray with them. Even if it means a pot of coffee in the morning, I consider such times a blessing and sacred. And such times should be sacred to you as well. When we call ourselves "God's servants", we jolly well better be willing to have a sleepless night here and there.
Now, we are going to get what I consider the "nitty gritty" of the blog post. There are a few lessons I wish to impart to anyone who reads this post and are preparing for a life in ministry. I will share them, not because I've mastered them, but because I haven't and I suspect I'll be working at them my entire career.
First of all, find yourself a good mentor(s). I have been greatly blessed in that regard. Your mentor is there to help you learn how to serve. They'll also serve as your "inconvenient truth". There are times where Fr. Doug and I have to discuss things that are difficult or that I'd much rather avoid because I
didn't want to hear what he has to say. It's human, but it's also the reason why such topics need to be discussed. You can't grow if you are unteachable or think yourself above constructive criticism. There will be situations that upon reflection, you wish you had handled differently than you did. I know I have and done so often. It is always helpful to discuss such matters with Fr. Doug because I know that he will speak truthfully but also out of love and respect for me. Your mentor will also be there for you in darker times in your life and ministry. Again, I have been very lucky in this. Poor Fr. Doug has had to wash many a tear stain from his clerical shirts because what I needed that day was a shoulder to cry on. He has also celebrated my successes with me. Many of my favorite memories of this year took place over a lunch meeting where we laughed about the absurdities of ministry over good food and a glass of something or stocking the Pantry while exchanging banter and boy do we banter. One morning during stocking, while we were throwing quips, I heard one of our new volunteers ask our intern if Fr. Doug and I were always like that to which the intern laughed and confirmed we were. I turned to the volunteer and told her that if she thought we were funny there, she should see us when we don't have an audience. If you can, find a mentor that shares your humor. It'll make the bad days better and make great days amazing. Remember that even though there is a difference in position tiers, especially if like me your mentor is also your superior, you are also a partnership. You are both servants of God's children so try to be of one mind when it comes to situations. You should support the other even if you don't agree with a decision or a mind frame. They deserve your respect and support. This one is difficult even for me, but also be honest about your thoughts and feelings. If you don't then a wedge can develop easily between you which can lead to a breakdown in communication and relationship. If such a wedge does happen, it needs to be acknowledged and steps need to be taken to dislodge it. If an apology is warranted, then it needs to be offered with sincerity. That is the first step of healing when such a wedge occurs and is necessary. There have been times when I've had to eat crow and in the end was grateful for it because when the conflict went away, my relationship with my mentor matured.
Secondly, one of the most important things any ministry worker, clergy member, missionary, etc. can do for themselves is SELF CARE. This one item tends to be the most neglected factor in ministry life and I am no exception. I didn't master it as an undergrad and I still have to work on it as a ministry worker. Self-care comes in the form or eating regularly, getting proper rest, exercising, and finding activities that foster some "you" time. Self-care is perhaps the biggest lesson I've had to learn this year and I'm not always the top student. The first thing you should do is assign a particular day of the week as your "Sabbath" or day of rest outside of Sunday. Every member of the clergy is encouraged to do this and usually assign Monday as their Sabbath and I'm no exception. The second thing to do is to honor that Sabbath. There are some occasions where a meeting or a situation has to happen on that day and if that happens then do so with God's blessing. But after it is done, go back to honoring your day of rest. This is important because it not only helps you to take care of yourself but it also encourages your mentor and colleagues in Christ to honor theirs. My go to's are making a nice pot of loose leaf tea and a treat while reading for pleasure or going for a walk or other things that help me to recharge my batteries. There are also days where if I'm going through a rough time or stressing about something where I'll take some time to check out. If I'm stressed or upset about something, I'll often put in a movie while I enjoy a recently discovered hobby like coloring in an adult coloring book or taking life out on the poor Orcs and Goblins of Lord of the Rings Online. This may sound silly but it really helps me problem solve whatever is bothering me. Not to mention, Fr. Doug has had to laughingly remind me throttling people who irritate me isn't part of my job description as the Assistant Chaplain.
The other part of self-care can be really difficult but absolutely necessary. Most pastors, priests, ministry workers, chaplains, and their life partners that I have spoken to have told me the same thing: ministry will tear you apart inside and out. Some statistics for you. ***
84% of pastors feel "on call" 24/7.
90% of pastors report the ministry was completely different than what they thought it would be like before they entered the ministry.
53% of pastors report that the seminary did not prepare them for the ministry.
75% of pastors report significant stress-related crisis at least once in their ministry.
80% of pastors and 84% of their spouses have felt unqualified and discouraged in the role of pastors at least one or more times in their ministry.
35% of pastors battle depression or fear of inadequacy.
70% of pastors do not have someone they consider to be a close friend.
27% of pastors report not having anyone to turn to for help in a crisis situation.
84% of pastors desire to have close fellowship with someone they can trust and confide with.
If these statistics give you concern, then you're reading them right. Many pastors I have spoken to didn't have issues with depression or anxiety until after they began their ministries along with other health problems. I don't share this to scare you but to give you a head's up. What is more depressing than these statistics is the fact that even in 2019, there is a stigma to depression and mental health issues among pastors and ministry workers. Many Christians see such things as a sign of a sinful life, a lack of faith, or weakness. If any of my readers are of this view, I would ask that you pray for your spiritual leaders instead of putting them on a rocking pedestal. We servants of God are human and need support. For you ministry students, if you find yourself needing mental health care, I have a message that I pray you'll take to heart. Listen to the advice of your doctors, especially if they feel you need counseling or the help of prescription medications. And if they do prescribe them, I'm going to give you some loving advice and I will put it in big letters so the folks in the back can read it: TAKE THE BLOODY PILLS, GO TO COUNSELING, AND DON'T GIVE A TINKER'S DAMN WHAT PEOPLE SAY ABOUT IT!
And in the spirit of disclosure, this is a lesson I'm still learning myself. My doctor put me on Prozac in early February. I have had no less than five panick attacks in the past few months which are to the point that I'm making an appointment to discuss counseling and Xanax with said doctor. So, just know that many of us will be in the same boat as you. I am also learning the importance of having a good support network. Even as a student, it's good to find support with your fellow ministry students so you can support each other through assignments and trying to find God's voice as you prepare for what He called you to do. This will give you tools to find such help when you're in the field and I wish I hadn't used my introversion as an excuse to not do so as a student. When you're in the field, find others that are in a similar ministry and position as you. Meet each other for coffee, make a bible and prayer group, have a group chat on Facebook. That way if there is an urgent need for prayer or advice or to share something hilarious and absurd, your brothers and sisters in ministry are there. Last month, Fr. Doug and I had dinner with a friend who works with homeless youth and what struck me most was while that friend and I are in completely different services, we had similar struggles and similar experiences. That evening was a holy time of empathy, love, and connection. These connections are important because if you are single or married to someone outside the field, you will often feel isolated. This is especially important because one group of people you won't be able to turn to are the people who are in your spiritual care. If this is painfully obvious, I beg your pardon, but if your professors haven't made that clear, it's best that you learn it before you begin service. Your spiritual patients can pour their pains, fears, and struggles to you but you won't be able to reciprocate it. More importantly, remember this: you can't be there for your spiritual patients if you're not taking care of yourself. Water will never be drawn from an empty well.
Thirdly, when those in ministry refer to ministry workers as "God's servants", it isn't a metaphor, ladies and gents. If you want to be in Pastoral Ministry, you have to be willing to serve. In classes, it's easy to romanticize ministry. Ministry is glamorous because you get to preach God's word, reach out to the lost and seeking, and bring Christ to those you serve. Don't get me wrong, that's very true. However, the ministry is dirty and gritty work. No matter how easy the job of a Pastor looks, it's not an easy life. Not to mention you'll have to do some less glamorous tasks. Sometimes being in ministry means you have to be willing to roll up your sleeves and wash walls. Every local Pastor can tell you of the times they've cleaned toilets, weeded the church gardens, swept and mopped floors, or gone to a congregant's house to wash dishes or clean. A month into my own ministry I posted photos of a bedroom I had to take care of a bedroom after a graduated resident moved out. I had to remove at least 50 nails, thumbtacks, etc. I had to spackle, prime, and paint walls. I also posted a photo of myself in my dew rag and grubbies with paint all over my face. One comment I got from a ministry student was the question, "Why are you painting walls? Aren't you the Assistant Chaplain?" Why yes, yes I am! I don't care what title is attached to my name or yours. It's just a description of how you are serving God's children. It by no means make manual labor menial or beneath you. If anything, it's part of the multi-faceted description of your Christian duty. If you feel that such tasks are distasteful or demeaning, then I would humbly suggest you take some more time discerning your call. There's more to ministry than just the pulpit.
These are things that I have learned in what has been a rollercoaster, wonderful, heartbreaking first year in college ministry. Even though there have been some iron sharpening iron moments, I've seen so much growth and have great hopes for the future. Here are a few things that I have as a goal for my second year:
Improve my self-care with counseling and taking care of my mental health needs.
Improve how I interact with others, especially difficult people.
Be less of a perfectionist and see myself as the student that I am by giving myself needed grace.
Take to heart a quote by John Newman: "I remember two things very clearly: I am a great sinner and Christ is a great Savior.”
Improve my spiritual life with regular prayer and scripture study.
Improve my communication skills.
Trust others to have my back and to do their part in tasks.
Make a good social network with other ministry workers and meet with them regularly.
Be more willing to ask for help instead of being prideful.
Mentor other students.
Ministry is one of the most difficult fields in the professional world. There will be times where you struggle, where there will be questions you can't answer, social media posts that will ruffle feathers, days where you will feel tapped out. You deal with difficulties, heartbreak, and despair. You'll question a thousand times if you misheard your calling. But there are so many things that will make those days worth the struggle. Someone who comes in when you give a sermon and it was exactly what God needed them to hear. Going into storms know that you have people who love you and are praying for you. People who want to celebrate your praise reports with you. And if you are in need of support, find someone you trust and be willing to be vulnerable. If anything, you can always come to me.
c-ya
ke7ejx.
*** Statistics provided by The Fuller Institute, George Barna, Lifeway, Schaeffer Institute of Leadership Development, and Pastoral Care Inc.
When I was preparing for graduating and taking on this position I swore to myself that I would be Belgium before the German Army invaded when it came to house disputes. I quickly realized this was a pipe dream when 20 minutes after I moved in one of my new housemates told me how another resident was an absolute jerk and not to be trusted. I laugh as I write this but that was my "welcome to college ministry, ain't it grand?" moment.
A few months ago, I was advised to write this post because it could prove useful for Pastoral Ministry students and I have to make a confession now: even as I write this I'm still having the reaction of "S@#$, what do I tell them?!" But, I also realize that by sharing the good, the bad, and the ugly of ministry, future students can learn that while they can fantasize ministry in the classroom it can be both beautiful and awful. What you, my students, can gain is how the calling of ministry can and will change your life.
When I took classes on Pastoral Leadership, Preaching, and other Pastoral Ministry classes at Northwest Christian University; it was done with a couple of assumptions- that the students would embark in full-time Pastoral positions and that when dealing with difficult people, the pastor can retreat to the safety of home and regroup before coming back to the job with fresh eyes and a refreshed mind. If any of you students are blessed with both, then it is absolutely true! However, this was not the case for me. One of the first things I learned when I entered the ministry field is that full-time ministry positions are quickly becoming fewer and far between. The days of full-time pastors and parsonages are becoming relics of that past across the denomination spectrum. In my first year, I have only come across one pastor who is in such a position and the future of that situation is uncertain. Most pastors I know, with the exception of my rector who is full-time, are part-time and many of them have a second or even third "tentmaking" (Acts 18:3-4) occupations in order to provide for their families.
As for the latter assumption, most of you probably won't know otherwise and those of you who ever find yourself in my shoes where your place of ministry is also your residence, listen up. You will deal with difficult people. If you live with them, you'll deal with them often. I know this because I've been there this year. In earlier years, if you didn't like someone you could just stay away from them or avoid their company. I'll tell you right now, those days are over. You won't be able to avoid them, what's more, you're no longer free to lash out at them. The difficult ones, as well as the ones you like, are in your spiritual care and you must act accordingly. Even though you're at home, you are on the clock just as you would in the church. Our Savior said, “You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.’ But I say to you, Do not resist an evildoer. But if anyone strikes you on the right cheek, turn the other also (Matthew 5:38-40 NRSV)". Alas, this is one that my boss has to work with me on a regular basis. It's one I struggle with the most. You will have to find refuge as you can whether it's watching a movie in your room with the door closed or going out for a meal or ice cream where you can decompress and pray.
That being said, there are aspects of college ministry that is such a pleasure. One pleasure I take is ECM's Thursday Dinner and Worship Night every week during the academic year. I am in charge of the meal which is something I enjoy immensely. I get to try different recipes and cuisines and make notes so I can provide a variety of meals that are pleasing to the palates of the students. Last Thursday, I tried my hand at Breakfast for Dinner and it was a success. Now I know to add it to next year's menu. Dinner is also a time to get to know my residents better and ask how their lives are
 |
| ECM Christmas Party 2018 |
Another benefit is that as the resident Assistant Chaplain, I get to be a regular presence for our resident students. One thing I try to convey to all of them is that I am always there if they need something. Sometimes, all they need is someone to get the master key to let them into their rooms after they locked themselves out. Other times, I get to be mother, psychologist, ring referee, judge, and spiritual guide all in one 4'7" package. I've had a knock on my door at two o'clock in the morning because they need someone to talk to and pray with them. Even if it means a pot of coffee in the morning, I consider such times a blessing and sacred. And such times should be sacred to you as well. When we call ourselves "God's servants", we jolly well better be willing to have a sleepless night here and there.
Now, we are going to get what I consider the "nitty gritty" of the blog post. There are a few lessons I wish to impart to anyone who reads this post and are preparing for a life in ministry. I will share them, not because I've mastered them, but because I haven't and I suspect I'll be working at them my entire career.
First of all, find yourself a good mentor(s). I have been greatly blessed in that regard. Your mentor is there to help you learn how to serve. They'll also serve as your "inconvenient truth". There are times where Fr. Doug and I have to discuss things that are difficult or that I'd much rather avoid because I
The other part of self-care can be really difficult but absolutely necessary. Most pastors, priests, ministry workers, chaplains, and their life partners that I have spoken to have told me the same thing: ministry will tear you apart inside and out. Some statistics for you. ***
84% of pastors feel "on call" 24/7.
90% of pastors report the ministry was completely different than what they thought it would be like before they entered the ministry.
53% of pastors report that the seminary did not prepare them for the ministry.
75% of pastors report significant stress-related crisis at least once in their ministry.
80% of pastors and 84% of their spouses have felt unqualified and discouraged in the role of pastors at least one or more times in their ministry.
35% of pastors battle depression or fear of inadequacy.
70% of pastors do not have someone they consider to be a close friend.
27% of pastors report not having anyone to turn to for help in a crisis situation.
84% of pastors desire to have close fellowship with someone they can trust and confide with.
If these statistics give you concern, then you're reading them right. Many pastors I have spoken to didn't have issues with depression or anxiety until after they began their ministries along with other health problems. I don't share this to scare you but to give you a head's up. What is more depressing than these statistics is the fact that even in 2019, there is a stigma to depression and mental health issues among pastors and ministry workers. Many Christians see such things as a sign of a sinful life, a lack of faith, or weakness. If any of my readers are of this view, I would ask that you pray for your spiritual leaders instead of putting them on a rocking pedestal. We servants of God are human and need support. For you ministry students, if you find yourself needing mental health care, I have a message that I pray you'll take to heart. Listen to the advice of your doctors, especially if they feel you need counseling or the help of prescription medications. And if they do prescribe them, I'm going to give you some loving advice and I will put it in big letters so the folks in the back can read it: TAKE THE BLOODY PILLS, GO TO COUNSELING, AND DON'T GIVE A TINKER'S DAMN WHAT PEOPLE SAY ABOUT IT!
Improve my self-care with counseling and taking care of my mental health needs.
Improve how I interact with others, especially difficult people.
Be less of a perfectionist and see myself as the student that I am by giving myself needed grace.
Take to heart a quote by John Newman: "I remember two things very clearly: I am a great sinner and Christ is a great Savior.”
Improve my spiritual life with regular prayer and scripture study.
Improve my communication skills.
Trust others to have my back and to do their part in tasks.
Make a good social network with other ministry workers and meet with them regularly.
Be more willing to ask for help instead of being prideful.
Mentor other students.
Ministry is one of the most difficult fields in the professional world. There will be times where you struggle, where there will be questions you can't answer, social media posts that will ruffle feathers, days where you will feel tapped out. You deal with difficulties, heartbreak, and despair. You'll question a thousand times if you misheard your calling. But there are so many things that will make those days worth the struggle. Someone who comes in when you give a sermon and it was exactly what God needed them to hear. Going into storms know that you have people who love you and are praying for you. People who want to celebrate your praise reports with you. And if you are in need of support, find someone you trust and be willing to be vulnerable. If anything, you can always come to me.
c-ya
ke7ejx.
*** Statistics provided by The Fuller Institute, George Barna, Lifeway, Schaeffer Institute of Leadership Development, and Pastoral Care Inc.
